How To Avoid Repeating The Mistakes Of Your Last Relationship
Are you suffering from heartbreak and finding it hard to move on? You are not alone. Relationships can start out incredibly fun and exciting. Yet, for many of us, things can start to fizzle out or go wrong in some way. For some of us, our romantic relationships always end in a similar manner. Why? It may be because you are repeating mistakes and relationship patterns.
What Are Relationship Patterns?
A relationship pattern is when you repeat the same actions and behaviors over and over again in different relationships, new and old. There are many different types of relationship patterns. Not all are problematic, yet it is a good idea to examine yours regardless. This helps keep you self-aware and more able to recognize what serves you and what doesn’t.
Unhealthy Relationship Patterns That May Be Getting in Your Way
Some unhealthy relationship patterns include but are not limited to:
An inability to make sacrifices
Becoming too independent of your partner
Becoming too dependent on your partner
Inequality or power struggles in the relationship
Unwillingness to compromise or change
Codependence defines your connection
Being a parent to your partner
Control, aggression, or passive-aggression
Being a caregiver or roommate rather than a full partner
Why Do We Repeat The Same Relationship Patterns?
If you find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship after a dysfunctional relationship, you may feel that you always end up in frustrating, unfulfilling, or even toxic situations. Why does this happen?
First, don’t beat yourself up. Shame is unproductive. Instead, consider the following:
We repeat patterns because they are deeply familiar to us. Many times, we repeat the behaviors that we learn as children. Your early relationships with your parents or caregivers inform current connections. Not recognizing this means you repeat the cycle, believing that it’s just the way relationships go.
Sometimes we strive towards the relationship results we are used to as well. We repeat behaviors because we believe we know the outcome already. Even if it is hurtful, the pain we know personally or observed from others is often more comfortable than an unfamiliar, more vulnerable relationship path.
In some cases, we think certain relationship patterns are all that we deserve. If you were traumatized in the past or as a child, then you may think that disrespect, distance, abandonment, etc are what you deserve.
So, how can you break such relationship patterns?
Key Ways to Avoid Repeating Patterns and Mistakes from Past Relationships
Fortunately, we have some ways that you can avoid repeating patterns and previous mistakes in your relationships:
1. Be Aware Of Your Past
Again, your relationship patterns are not just about romantic love. They are also about how you behave in all kinds of friendships, connections, and social engagements. With the help of a therapist, you may need to look back at your caregivers’ interactions and behaviors to see how this could have impacted your own actions.
2. Don’t Rush It
To avoid repeating unproductive behavior, interrupt the new relationship by slowing down the process. Do your best not to rush into a new relationship. Until you know which values and goals you are searching for in a partner and new connection, hold off on deep engagement. Instead, work on yourself and your own behaviors.
3. Don’t Compare Your Relationships
Resist comparing your relationships to others, whether it’s your own past relationships or your friends’ relationships. This can only lead to unfair judgment as your expectations of your partner or yourself are unmet.
4. Be Aware Of Your Patterns
One of the pivotal ways that you can avoid repeating past mistakes and patterns is to be aware of them. Take note of what actions and behaviors you often exhibit to try and avoid them in the future. By being more aware, you can notice the red flags and warning signs that you are going to repeat the same thing over and over.
5. Ensure They Are Worthy Of You
Take your time and gauge whether someone is worthy of your time, effort, and attention. Some people will take your love for granted and you’ll spend all of your energy trying to please them or attain their appreciation.
Some people are not ready to receive all of your love, and in doing so, they may flout your efforts to love them. This can lead to insecurities and lowered self-confidence.
6. Don’t Expect Someone To Be Your Source Of Happiness
Far too often, we expect our partners to be our source of joy, love, happiness, and emotional support all of the time. While it is important to feel supported in your relationship, resist relying entirely on your partner for peace and contentment. This can lead to codependency or suffocating, clingy behavior in your relationship.
Be sure that you’ve made time for yourself. It’s okay to make space for the things you love, friends and family so that you are not entirely dependent on your partner to fulfill all of your needs.
Take the Next Step
To conclude, we repeat unhealthy habits and relationship mistakes time and time again because, often, that is all we know. This could be rooted in past trauma or how your parents treated you early on. Whatever the case, you can recover from a breakup, break relationship patterns, and create the life and love you long for. Please contact us soon for help.