1. Face Your History
To identify why you’re afraid of relationships, it’s vital to examine your emotional past. Maybe there’s a chapter filled with a heartache that tattooed this fear on you.
Did you grieve that relationship? Have you allowed yourself to heal? What did you learn from it?
Answering these questions will provide you with insight into your mindset surrounding all things romantic.
2. Challenge Your Inner Critic
In looking back to former flames, what did they teach you?
If you were cheated on, it could be hard to drown out the sound of self-doubt screaming that you’re not good enough. Or, if a lover financially abused you, it may be difficult to believe you’re worth more than the cash you carry.
Being afraid of relationships means fearing an element in a relationship. Challenging that nasty inner critic will likely lead you to the factor keeping you at bay.
3. Shift Your Childhood Adaptions
As well as former flames, we humans learn about relationships from as far back as our childhood.
In taking a drive down memory lane, what relationship mindsets or patterns have followed you all your life? A helpful hint is to first pinpoint your natural defense mechanisms. Meaning, what situations cause you to feel defensive?
If you know what raises your defenses, you’ll know what you’re innately trying to protect. Thus, opening a giant window to address your insecurities.
4. Let Yourself Feel
When you feel hurt in one relationship after another, it’s not uncommon to develop a sort of invisible shield. In other words, you shut down your emotions to prevent further pain. However, shutting down gets you nowhere but stuck in the hurt.
It’s true that love can awaken deep and often unexpected feelings. Sometimes, those unexpected feelings are reminders of a hurtful past.
Instead of blocking them, allow yourself to feel those emotions, let them pass through you, and then release them. It’s problematic not to let yourself feel your emotions. If you avoid feeling any pain, you also give up your chance of feeling joy and happiness.
5. Commit to Vulnerability
In feeling any level of insecurity, the last thing you probably want to be is vulnerable. Rather, you most likely want to protect yourself, hiding all the parts of you that could possibly get hurt.
But being vulnerable isn’t an invitation for others to hurt you. To the contrary, it’s a mature stance that requires respect. It’s being open to new people and experiences while being bold enough to break old patterns.
When you’re afraid of relationships, being vulnerable is likely last on your to-do list. Though, the more you practice these tips and build your inner confidence, the more you’ll be able to identify with how empowering a vulnerable stance truly is.
A relationship isn’t something that just “works out” on its own. And jumping into one before you’re ready is a recipe for heartbreak.
All your future relationships depend on the one you have with yourself. If you’re ready to address why you’re afraid of relationships, please contact me. To learn more about how I can help, visit HERE.