How to Protect Your Relationship from the Roommate Rut

Spend Time Away from Each Other

When you live together, you spend more time with your partner than you did when you were dating. While this is a positive thing for your relationship in many ways, it can also cause you to become stagnant and complacent in your relationship.

When you spend too much time around someone and start to feel extremely comfortable, you lose a little bit of that drive to be your “best self.” You might start wearing sweatpants more often than not, for example. You might be lazier, or have some bad habits that start coming out.

One way to remedy this is to spend more time away from your partner. It might surprise you how spending time apart can actually strengthen your bond and make your relationship even better.

Spending time apart allows you both to remember who you are, individually. It keeps you from getting bored, which will encourage you to keep growing—both together and apart.

Additionally, when you spend time apart you can focus on more meaningful ways to connect, instead of following regular routines such as getting groceries, running errands, etc.

Step Into the Past

If you’re in the roommate rut phase of your relationship, it can feel like you’ve lost some of that “spark” you initially had when you first started dating. 

So, don’t be afraid to take a trip down memory lane.

Start going back to places you used to frequent when you started dating. Did you have a favorite restaurant? Or, did you do more adventurous or spontaneous things?

Think about some of those ideas. Doing so will help to bring back fond memories that can re-ignite a romantic spark. Going through some of those original date night ideas again can make your relationship feel young, fresh, and new. It can also help to have a change of scenery from your typical current dating spots.

Show Your Appreciation

Does your partner know how much you appreciate them on a regular basis? If the answer is “no,” you might be more entrenched in a roommate rut than you realize.

Even if you have a very routine-centered life, it’s important for both people in a relationship to feel understood, respected, and appreciated.

Let your partner know just how grateful you are for the things they do. Bringing up that gratitude as often as possible will help to strengthen your spark. It will keep even the most normal, everyday things from feeling so stagnant.

The first step in avoiding the roommate rut is to think about what made you and your partner first fall in love with each other. You’ve both undoubtedly come a long way as a couple since then. But, thinking about those things will make it easier to realize what changes you both need to make.

Being comfortable around your spouse is not a bad thing. Yet, don’t let it take over your relationship to the point where you both stop trying to woo each other on a regular basis.