What Does a Typical Gottman Therapy Session Look Like?
Understanding what you can expect can help ease any apprehension you have about getting started. Whether you’re dealing with communication challenges or want to deepen the bond with your partner, knowing the session structure can help you prepare most efficiently and confidently.
Let’s walk through a typical Gottman therapy session and see if this feels right for you.
The Opening Check-In
At the start of each session, your therapist will do a check-in with both partners. This is your opportunity to share your experience since the last session. Feel free to share any thoughts on your homework exercises or challenges that came up during the week.
Having this opening check-in allows your therapist to better understand where to focus the current session. It is also a great opportunity to let go of anything that has been weighing on you.
Working on Communication Skills
A significant amount of time is spent developing and practicing healthy communication skills. The Gottman Method emphasizes building what is called a “Sound Relationship House,” which includes several key skills:
Learning to express your needs without placing blame or criticism
Active listening to understand your partner’s perspective
Using “I” statements when sharing feelings to de-escalate the situation
Taking breaks when conversations become too heated
Building skills to repair the dynamic after conflict
Your therapist will help guide you through specific exercises that help you apply these skills in real time. This may involve role-playing or practicing alternative communication techniques.
Identifying Patterns
The Gottman Method identifies the “Four Horsemen” as problematic communication habits: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Throughout your sessions, your therapist will assess and raise awareness of any patterns of behavior that fall under one of these categories. This is the first step in reducing friction and creating healthier interaction styles. In time, you should be able to recognize these patterns on your own.
Building Emotional Connection
During this process, you will also focus on deepening your emotional connection. You may explore exercises to gain a better understanding of each other’s perspectives. The focus may be on topics of dreams and personal values. Your therapist may lead you through an exercise of sharing appreciations or reminiscing about past memories. There is a benefit in counterbalancing some of the time spent working through challenges.
Homework and Practice
As you approach the end of a session, you will be given some version of a homework assignment. Typically, this will include practical exercises to practice skills you learned during your sessions. As helpful as therapy is, the bulk of the work is done outside of your sessions in everyday life.
Creating Lasting Change
Each Gottman therapy session will build on the previous one, creating lasting and meaningful change. Patterns will start to shift, and you should notice communication improving. Over time, your emotional connection will become stronger.
This process requires a willingness to change and commitment from both partners. You will always be working towards specific goals, and the results of your work can be life-changing for your relationship. With consistent effort and the right guidance, you can develop the tools needed to conquer any challenge life throws your way.
Ready to Get Started?
If the Gottman Method has piqued your interest or you want to learn more about the potential benefits, we are here to help. Our therapists are trained in this approach and can help you build towards the relationship you dream of. Reach out today to learn more about Gottman couples therapy and schedule your first session.