5 Subtle Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults

1. Challenges with Emotional Regulation

When adults have had adverse childhood experiences that led to attachment trauma, they often struggle with managing emotions. The littlest things can set them off and cause them to feel overwhelmed.

Emotions are often felt more intensely. They appear to be disproportionate to what the situation would normally warrant.

This may present as frequent mood swings, anxiousness, numbness, or emptiness. Where the average person can self-soothe to avoid this, people dealing with attachment trauma may face more of a challenge.

2. Fear of Abandonment

Adults who develop insecure attachment styles tend to be fearful of abandonment. Even while they’re in a stable relationship, they may experience constant anxiety that their partner is going to leave. This same feeling manifests in all close personal relationships.

Oftentimes, they’ll go to great lengths to keep their people happy. There’s an avoidance of saying no, blurring boundary lines. People-pleasing behaviors are common, resulting in people pushing their own wants and needs aside.

This fear of abandonment and rejection causes them to seek validation from other people. They may not have received this as a child, so they never learned healthy habits.

3. Relationship and Intimacy Struggles

Relationships themselves are often problematic and are considered one of the more common signs of attachment trauma. In addition to that fear of abandonment, it’s also possible to experience jealousy, a fear of being intimate, and difficulty maintaining boundaries. They may cycle from being close to their partner to actively pushing them away — most likely without cause or explanation.

It’s not uncommon for someone with attachment trauma to pursue unhealthy relationships. This often includes being drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable or unreliable. Trust issues and self-sabotaging behaviors also prevent relationships from growing.

4. Negative Self-Perception

During childhood, their needs often went unmet, so they never developed a true sense of self. As an adult with attachment trauma, they’re more likely to struggle with low self-esteem.

They may carry these negative thoughts into adulthood, feeling unlovable, unwanted, or not good enough. When they receive praise or love, they may feel unworthy of accepting it.

Those with these attachment styles tend to be their harshest critic. Nothing they do is ever good enough. They tend to feel this underlying persistent shame at all times.

5. Dissociation

Dissociation is commonly used as a coping strategy, but it can only provide short-term relief. Being able to dissociate from your situation may appear to be helpful, but it won’t fix the core of the problem.

How dissociation works is that they temporarily detach from their current reality. This allows them to avoid feeling other symptoms or dealing with negative emotions. Unfortunately, dissociation doesn’t lead to processing any of these emotions. Over time, this attachment style may inadvertently become worse.

Seeking Help

None of us get to choose our upbringing. We can’t change our circumstances or the type of attachment style that we develop. As adults, however, we do get to choose to make changes for the greater good of our well-being. You can transition to a more secure attachment style with the right strategies.

Through therapeutic intervention, we can find support and guidance geared towards your personal situation. If you’re ready to get started, contact our office today.