6 Ways to Help Your Partner Feel Validated

No couple is going to agree on every subject, 100% of the time. When we offer our partner validation, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we agree with them, but rather that we acknowledge their perspective is valid and heard.

The absence of any type of validation can create emotional distance between you and your partner. Over time, this can lead to feelings of resentment and isolation. The good news is that validation can be worked on and improved within your relationship.

1. Listen to Understand

As humans, we naturally jump into the role of fixer or problem-solver. As tempting as it may be, when your partner shares difficult information with you, listen with a goal of understanding. Don’t interrupt them or jump in to offer solutions.

Be an active listener. Allow them to finish their thought before responding. Ask open-ended questions. Reflect back on what you’ve heard them say.

2. Acknowledge Their Emotions Without Judgment

Validating your partner doesn’t mean you have to agree — or even fully understand — your partner’s viewpoint. You’re recognizing their feelings and letting them know you see and hear them.

Simple statements like “I can see why you feel that way” emphasize your respect. What you want to avoid is making minimizing statements like “You’re overreacting.” A subtle shift in your word choice can go a long way.

3. Be Present

Validation goes beyond verbal statements. There’s also an element of being present with your partner.

So often, we spend our days working endless hours and then are attached to our devices in our free time. Make a concerted effort to put down your phone. Make eye contact with your partner during conversations to show you’re fully present and engaged. Be mindful of your body language and nonverbal communication, since they say just as much as your words do.

Being vulnerable and expressing feelings can be a difficult space to be in. Emotional and physical availability will help build trust and deepen your connection.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Never assume your partner feels one way or another, no matter how well you know each other. Have the hard conversations and ask open-ended questions. Open the door for deeper conversations and exploring their feelings further.

Not only will asking questions show you’re present, but it also shows you care about what’s going on inside their head. Getting the details and understanding their perspective can reduce miscommunications that often lead to conflict.

5. Avoid Defensiveness

When the inevitable conflict arises, remember there’s a healthy way to engage in it. If your partner shares their frustration or hurt feelings, avoid the natural tendency to become defensive. Defensiveness instantly halts any kind of validation.

Take a break, do some deep breathing, and return your focus to their experience. Validate them first, then return to your own reaction and perspectives.

6. Practice Empathy

Being empathetic is the core of providing validation. Choose your responses with compassion. Try using statements like “I imagine that could be disappointing” or “I see how this could be painful for you.”

Using empathetic phrases doesn’t require you to agree with any opinion, but it does show that you’re invested in your partner’s experience.

Why Validation Matters

Partners who feel validated with each other tend to feel more secure in their relationship. They’re more likely to open up during difficult times and resolve conflicts more effectively.

If you’re struggling to find or give validation in your relationship, therapy can offer the guidance you need. Working with couples or marriage counseling can provide you with a safe space to explore your communication patterns and make adjustments as needed.

Are you ready to take the next step forward? Contact us today.